Everything has just gotten harder and harder. As if moving up here and trying to live here wasn’t hard enough, now to find out my Dad has cancer again and has gone through his fourth set of chemo and is horribly sick has pushed me over the edge. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know, I just don’t know…
Trying so fucking hard to be happy because I leave on Monday and it’s my best friends birthday and we’re going to town tonight and everything is going great. But finding out that your dad has cancer again doesn’t help. Especially when he wont answer any of my calls and I haven’t heard from him in fucking months. Fuck everything. Oh and, the one person I hate more than anyone is coming to town tonight. fuck everything. fuck everyone. fuck. fuck. fuck.
I feel so fucking home sick and I haven’t even left yet.
I am so fucking sick to fucking death of fucking being me. These fucking stupid fucking voices need to fucking fuck off. I can’t even fucking clean my fucking room without you fucking taunting me you fucking fucking fdfjhdkjfhkdjhfdkj fuckkkkk.
I would fucking do anything to be someone else. Fuck this.
Today has been so great. I woke up at 3:00pm, started rearranging and cleaning my room, now I’m sitting on the couch, high, watching neighbours and drinking tea. Then mum tells me we’re having hot chips for tea.
Oh and it’s cold.
I love today. Why can’t everyday be like today.
I hate people who complain about people who are on centrelink. Yeah, sure there might be a few people who abuse it but not everyone does and a lot of people need to be on it, like myself. I physically cannot work because of my mental issues, therefor I need to be on it. I guess that makes me some scummy person because I just take free money right? I’ve been on centrelink since I was 14 because I am always moving, getting kicked out of places or quitting my job because of my anxiety. So fuck off with your whole “omg everyone who is on centrelink is scummy and should stop complaining because they get free money.” fuck I hate everyone today.